Mario's Muscle Machine
by HemiPowered
Summary: One day while playing Mario Kart, I was amused with the thought of what it would be like to have hot rods combined with Nintendo characters. This story evolved out of that notion and features/is dedicated to my first muscle car: Mary Anne the Mach 1.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The crowd in the stands went wild, it was the fourth and final race of the tournament. "MAR-I-O. MAR-I-O," echoed through the valley as the champion driver awaited the start of the final race. Mario had a fantastic record this season and had been setting time records left and right, mostly due to his acquired perfection of a beautiful drifting technique that had photographers crammed in at every turn. His training for this event had been very intense, Mario used every chance he got to make practice runs at his brother's "Luigi's raceway". Nevertheless, the competition would be stiff, there were plenty of other highly skilled drivers at this event and he would have to place first in order to take home the gold.

Mario sat in his bucket seat staring down the first leg of the track. Tuning out all of the commotion, he envisioned the race in his mind, solely focusing on the briefing from the day before. Picturing nothing but the angle of attack on each curve, and flooring it on the straightaways to extend his lead into an even bigger gap.

"_Mario.… Mario.…are you listening to me Mario?"_ a somewhat crackled voice came over the headset. It was his pit master, Crew Chief Toad.

"Yes, I'm here," he replied snapping out of his fix.

"_We're almost ready to start, this is it, one more race and we take home the gold!"_

"Don't worry, I got this"

"_We tweaked your camber setup as you requested. Going through those turns should feel smooth as ice!"_

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN", Boomed the PA system. "Welcome to another Grand Touring Race Championship." A heavy cheering erupted once again. "And it's a perfect day for racing here in the Mushroom Kingdom. My name is Bob Hudson and I have the privilege of being your announcer for today's event. We have a lot of good drivers out here today making for a fantastic line-up. And of course, as you all know, in the number one position, we have the returning champion… MARIO!" The crowd went ecstatic! Mario gave a grin for his close-up as Lakitu hovered with a camera in front of his kart. "What do you say folks, let's get this race underway!"

"_This is it Mario, good luck"_

Mario tightened his racing gloves, put his key in the ignition, and waited for the announcer's instruction.

"DRIVERS, START – YOUR – ENGINES!" The decibel level of noise in the stadium further increased as the roaring of the crowd mixed with the firing-up of the race engines.

BUT WAIT! SOMETHING IS WRONG! MARIO'S KART DOESN'T START!

The staging light for the race came on, a bright red shining now. He turned the key and tried again. The little go-kart choked, sputtered and nothing more. The light changed to yellow. Noticing his distress, the pit crew leader anxiously radioed,

"_Mario, what's happening? What's going on? Start the kart!"_

"I'm trying," answered Mario, as the engine continued to make unpleasant noises in the background. "Something is seriously wrong here, did you guys make sure to check the timing?"

"_Yes we did, that engine is perfectly tuned."_

The light went to the bottom position of the signal - GREEN!

Mario hopelessly tried to start the motor one last time as one driver after another flew right on by him as they started their first lap. Suddenly, Mario heard a deep menacing laughter to his left. He saw Bowser pass, and the look he gave Mario was all he needed in order to figure out what had happened. He coughed as Bowser's kart fumigated him with a cloud of black sooty exhaust smoke. He always did run that thing too rich.

"AND THEIR OFF!" exclaimed the announcer. "Wait, what's this ladies and gentlemen? It appears as if our hero's kart won't even start! I would hate to be the crew chief responsible for that folks."

Mario reluctantly unbuckled his safety harness and hopped out of the kart waiting for his pit crew as they ran out towards him. "I am so sorry Mario, I will find out who is responsible for this mishap and I will fire them on the spot." Mario reassuringly patted him on the shoulder, "Don't worry Toad, it wasn't your fault. I suspect foul play is at hand." "Foul Play! By who?" demanded Pit Toad. "Bowser," Mario answered as his fist clenched down on his helmet. "BOWSER! Why that low-down, yellow-bellied, good-for-nothing... He just did that because he knew he couldn't beat you on the upright." "Don't worry, I'll settle this," replied a surprisingly serene Mario. "Ok guys, let's get this rig off the track! We got work to do!" He ordered as he watched Bowser disappear around the first turn.

Mario watched from the sideline as the other drivers battled out this intense race. After the second lap, a grease covered member of the pit crew approached and said, "Sir, we have figured out the problem." "Good work, so what in the world went wrong?" "Sugar, Sir." "Sugar?" "Yes Sir, it appears someone dumped a load of sugar into the gas tank." "Good work, now get all those parts cleaned up ASAP!" "Yes Sir!" he saluted as he jogged back to the rest of the crew. "Bowser has played some nasty tricks before, but this is low even for him. We have to get him back, should we slash his tires?" the Crew Chief joked. "Don't worry, like I mentioned before, I have an idea," said Mario as he walked off, helmet in hand to the finish line to wait for the end of the race.

The checkered flag was out, Mario was staring down the throat of the last straightaway. He watched the line of dots in the distance grow larger as the racers bore down on the finish line. Bowser was in the lead followed by Yoshi and DK. Mario once again heard that familiar diabolical laugh as Bowser tore across the finish line. He got a sickening feeling in his gut as he watched Bowser take away what should have rightfully been his. However, he kept a smirk on his face envisioning the plan he was about to carry out.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Following the ceremony in front of the castle, Mario took Bower aside and firmly stated, "I want a re-match, private, just you and me at Luigi's Raceway." Bowser laughed, "You want to race me? Your kart wouldn't even start. You see this trophy?" Mario could see his reflection in the finely polished gold cup Bowser was triumphantly and mockingly displaying in front of him. "I am the best! No one can beat me!" "Cut the act Bowser, I know about the sugar. I want a re-match but just a good-old, grass roots, man to man shoot out. No standard NASKART regulations and no weapons." "No rules you say?" repeated Bowser. "This sounds like my kind of race! I accept your request Mario, but be warned, you have made a fatal mistake." Bowser stomped off roaring in laughter thinking his day just couldn't get any better. Once again, Mario smirked to himself, how quickly the big dumb lummox had fallen right where he wanted him. The showdown was scheduled one week from now.

Back at Bowser's castle, the King Koopa called together all of his men and announced the upcoming challenge presented by his arch rival. "My fellow subjects, Mario has challenged us to a one-on-one race." The gathering incessantly booed at the mentioning of the opponents name. "He has foolishly made the terms of the race no weapons and no standard NASKART rules. This kind of race is in our domain my friends. We have much work to do. First of all, because there are no dangerous items, we can start by taking my "special" heavy duty armor off of the kart to make it lighter. Also, I have made plans for a secret stash of golden mushrooms. This will provide me with an edge in the absence of weapons. I will be able to run laps around Mario and he will suffer another humiliating round of defeat!" "ALL HAIL BOWSER!" cried the assembly at his evil genius. "Now off with you all, prepare my kart and have that engine running like never before! This will be a performance Mario shall not soon forget!"

As the Bowser kingdom was frantically running about, Mario sat quietly in his arm chair, a Pick-Me-Up in hand (one of his favorite drinks from back in his SNES RPG days), Staring off into space, only he knowing what he was contemplating. "Mario won't you please take off that cap while you are in the house," Peach suggested as she came into the room. This was a habit she had to remind him of regularly. "Oh sorry Peach, but I was just on my way out anyways," Mario apologized as he rose from the chair and headed out the door. "Hey, where are you going?" asked peach. But he was already gone.

Mario walked over to the driveway and climbed into his newly refurbished kart. It started up instantly and idled perfectly, the boys back at the shop had done a good job. He was headed down the beautiful green country side of the Mushroom Kingdom Parkway. Quite a ways from town, he turned left onto a discrete dirt road that was the beginning of a hidden entryway. At the end of this slightly rutted dirt path stood a modest looking brown barn. It was moderately weathered with a few planks missing here and there but it had endured the test of time throughout a number of generations. Mario parked to the side of the barn and headed to the large double doors that securely sealed the structure. Taking out a key, he unlocked the chain looped through the two metal handles. With one swift pull, he swung open both doors, stirring up the still dirt. The sun beamed rays in-between the boards of the old barn and they fell upon a blue tarp that covered something in the center of the straw strewn dirt floor.

Mario grabbed the front of the tarp and started to slowly peel it back, a radiance of metallic gold shined as it emerged from underneath the canvas which had been in place so long. Next to be uncovered, were two chrome hood locks which both sparkled in the light. Mario continued to pull the tarp back even further. Again, Mario found himself again staring at his mirror image. This time, his reflection looked back with a much more satisfactory expression from the surface of a flawless highly polished hood. The NASA designed dual Ram Air intakes on the top were anxiously waiting to inhale a fresh breath of oxygen again. Going on, a sports roof was unveiled next, not one blemish or sign of rust. Mario took a deep breath and with a flick of his wrists, the tarp flew up into the air, revealing the downward sloping lines of the fastback that ended at a rear deck spoiler. The tarp gently floated back down to rest beside one of the forged alloy rims as Mario took in the sight of his 1973 Mustang Mach1 which was now standing prominently in all her glory.

It had been to long since he saw her last. Walking over to the driver side in a semi-dazed state, he inserted the key into the door. The ginger-knit vinyl bucket seats, sports steering wheel, and Hurst 4-on-the-floor, coaxed him to come inside. Pulling the door shut after him, Mario griped the wheel with both hands and imagined the power he'd been waiting to take control of. Nervously, his gloved hand went up to slip the key into the ignition. Torquing the key, he gave it a half rotation. With one more turn she came to life. The cars dormant ignition wires carried juice once again. The silence of the still country scene was broken by a deep and intimidating rhythmic rumbling coming out of the dual Flowmaster exhaust tips as the eight cylinders did their job. They were bored .30 over and housed inside a 351 Cleveland 4V motor which was wearing a racing style double pumper carburetor for a crown. Mario's foot went down on the accelerator and gave it a slight push. The tachometer needle jumped up to three thousand. The engine perked up responding with a rev but he could tell that he may need to do a little tuning before the race.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Today was the day of the scheduled grudge match between Mario and Bowser at Luigi's Raceway. The defending "champion" Bowser had already left the pit area and was sitting in his Kart at the starting line of the track where he impatiently awaited Mario's arrival.

"Where is he?" roared Bowser. "I'll bet the plumber finally came to his senses and realized it was best for him not to show up. HA!" He continued on ranting out loud to himself and didn't hear the growing rumble in the distance. Suddenly, Bowser's crew chief dropped his clip board as he saw Mario's Mach 1 Mustang roll by on the way to the starting line. "Uh-oh Bowser, I think we may be in for some trouble," he radioed to his boss. "What are you talking about you impertinent fool? Nothing can go wrong today NOTHING." With that said, he caught a glimpse of a big gold object slowly coming into his peripheral vision. A look of pure shock and awe overcame Bowser's face as his eyes meet the front fender of the Mustang. The muscle car settled to a stop at the line and Bowser noted the "Mach 1" decal striping at the bottom of the door. A sudden roar echoed throughout the stadium as Mario gunned the engine. The Koopa with the starting light quickly floated over.

3…  
>2…<br>Mario wound up the engine as he got ready to launch. "This isn't going to end well," Bowser mumbled through his radio.  
>1, GO!<p>

Mario quickly released the clutch from the floor and slammed the gas. The radials squealed and created a fog of thick white tire smoke. The Mustang burst out of the gate giving Bowser a turn to choke on a particulate smoke screen. Regaining his composure, Bowser took off but the little 150cc engine was struggling to get much more than 50 mph. The Mach 1 on the other hand, with her _secondaries_ wide open, was already pushing 100 mph as it approached the first elevated turn on the track. Mario shifted the weight of the car and counter steered hard creating a fantastic sight as the sun caught the glowing gold Mustang drifting through the right hand turn with her wheels cranked all the way to the left. The smoke trail started to dissipate as the car exited the turn at the perfect angle and hit the next straightaway on the way to the tunnel.

A short while later, on his second lap and not to be known for giving up, Bowser continued driving at full throttle and reached for his secret stash of golden mushrooms. Bowser gripped tight and let out an amused evil roar as the extra boost kicked in, his adrenaline rushed from the instant acceleration. "At this rate I'm SURE I'll be able to pass to that darn contraption of Mario's," an excited Bowser thought to himself. Continuing to gain speed, he now heard a noise increasing in volume as he drove on. "This is it! I must be catching up to him! I should be able to see him once I get into this turn." Bowser hopped the cart and toggled the steering wheel back and forth to get that nice orange colored drift smoke. As the bonus boost from the drift pushed Bowser through the curve, his eyes anxiously searched for the source of the noise. Upon sliding through the apex of the curve, he was taken aback as the rest of the turn came into view, but there was nothing there! Instantly, the noise grew excessively loud and Bowser went flush. "IMPOSSIBLE!" He slowly turned around to look back and his eyes grew large and frightened. For right in front of his face was the silver Mustang emblem on the Mach's honeycomb styled grille! Mario's eyes were staring him down from across the long hood, the dual air intakes like nostrils breathing down his neck, and that motor! An orchestration of eight pistons banging away in a perfect harmony that rang through his ears. Mario and his Mustang were already on the last circuit and about to lap Bowser too! In his panicked distraction, Bowser lost concentration on the road and was sent skidding uncontrollably onto the grassy infield. Stunned, he could do nothing but watch the fastback quickly make more and more space between them.

Back in the driver's seat of the fine thoroughbred, Mario had more than gotten his kicks through today's antics. He had seen some pretty amusing looks on Bowser's ugly face in the past while defeating him and rescuing the princess, but the one he just saw was in the top three for sure. Even though he had unrightfully lost the cup, Mario was satisfied with his unconventional comeback at the big cheat of a dinosaur. All that Bowser could do was watch the glinting sun play on the chrome bumper of the magnificent machine as it crossed the finish line. Shouting after the disappearing race car and its driver he bellowed out, "CURSE YOU MARIO. I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS. JUST WAIT UNTIL NEXT TIME!"


End file.
